Joey Wheeler and the Quest for the Golden Doughnut
by Writergirl118
Summary: A random Joey diaryish fic, including random apearance of characters and strange events that even I can't foretell. Please R&R! rating change because the randomness is TOO SCARY for youngsters.
1. Chapter 1

**Joey Wheeler and the Quest for the Golden Doughnut**

Note: (glances at the horrified faces of anyone looking at the title)Yes, my friends, I am going to try my hand at humor, but please tell me if it's failing. I'm also going to try to do this in a diary format, but tell me if it doesn't work. Okay, on to the disclaimer.

Joey: Dis is not happening, not happening, not happening!

Writer: Er, isn't this the spot for the disclaimer?

Joey: But I couldn't let dis story go on!

Writer: You don't have a choice, I'm the writer, and also a crazed fangirl, so chaos is bound to ensue. BTW, I do not claim responsibility for the mental scaring this story is going to give you, Joey.

Joey: OO

Writer: Now then, DISCLAIMER!

Disclaimer: Writergirl118 does not own Yu-gi-oh, and would like to say that, if she did, there would be more kissing and less dueling… much less dueling… Oh, and I don't own Hermione Granger from Harry Potter, either. (don't ask, you'll understand soon enough)

Day One

**Wow, I was walkin' along, mindin my own business, when dis crazy lady came up to me and demanded dat I write in dis book… she said she was da writer a dis fic or somethin'… weird, huh? Why'm I doin it? 'Cause I'm bored outta my mind, a course. **

**Why are dere all deese crazy people running around and screamin'? Hold on a sec, weird blue book thing… I gotta ask dem… Wonder if dey got food? No, not right question… focus, Joey, focus…  
**

……………………**(AN: This took a while because Joey kept asking for food and forgetting to ask them why they were running and screaming.)**

**Oh, dey said dey don't have any food… but dat isn't what I wanted ta ask in da first place! Dey also said dat there runnin' and screamin' cause some crazy lady paid dem to… weird, huh? Dis is startin' ta- OMG what is dat? (AN: A strange looking girl in a wizard's cloak just popped out of the sky) I betta see what's up… Why is she lookin' at me like dat? **

**She's just told me dat she's Hermione Granger and she seems to have fallen into the wrong fic… man dat name is hard ta spell… I betta make sure it's right… yep, it is. Wow, dat's da first time I've spelled something like dat right! I betta do my victory dance! Uh… on second thought… dat girl has a weird stick and it looks kinda pointy… AH! It's glowing! AH! My brain hurts from da strain of trying to imagine such a thing! **

**Wha? She's just asked me if I've seen da library. Hold on, book thingy, I gotta ask her what dat is. It's a place full a books? Why would I know where something dat evil is? **

**AH! Another person just popped outta da sky! Oh no, it's that nut case from before! Gotta hide… she looks determined! **

**She just said somethin' to dat Hermione person and walked through the wall… dis day is gettin' too weird. All I did was walk out to buy some doughnuts, and now look at what's happnin!**

**AH! Da Hermione girl found me! Please say dere are no books… please say dere are no books… Wha? Find da golden doughnut? I betta pay full attention to dis conversation! (AN: I know that isn't much attention, but at least he isn't trying to write _and _talk at the same time. That might make his brain go boom!) **

**She says dat I have to find da golden doughnut because da author is bored and wants me to. Dat doesn't seem like a very good- Wha? She won't let me have any doughnuts unless I find it? **

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO**

**OOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOO!**

**(AN: This could take a while… Oh, it's done! Whew, my fingers were starting to hurt from the typing!)**

**No doughnuts? I can't go on without doughnuts! I guess I gotta find dis stupid golden doughnut thingy, den. As if a golden doughnut would taste good! Dis is just silly! Uh-oh… that bat Mai has doesn't look very safe… it's all scraped up and… blue!**

**Wonder where she- Da crazy author person's bat? But I heard she takes dat thing to da battin' cages every day and hits home runs! What is Mai doin' wit it?**

**OO Not good… she says dat da author said I love her, and now Mai is gonna kill me wit her bat… how'd she get dat, I wonder? Focus Joey, you're gonna be killed by a blonde girl who's way too old for you anyway! Wait, where'd dat come from! I didn't write dat in da original book! Do I have no control over my own life anymore? (AN: No, he doesn't. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)**

**Uh… did ya know dat dis one girl hit a home run wit dat… it isn't for head smashing! No… no… not da hair! No! Don't come any closer wit dat evil thing! It's too blue to be natur- (AN: How'd Mai get my bat? I'm gonna kill her for that!)**

End note: We had to cut that short because, well, Joey's sort of become indisposed for the rest of day one! Review and tell me if it's good, and please leave any suggestions for humorous things to happen on the quest for the golden doughnut!


	2. Day Two

**Joey Wheeler and the Quest for the Golden Doughnut **

Note: I only got two reviews (sob), but I guess I might as well update and hope for better this time… please review, if you're reading this… I mean, the worst you can say is that it isn't good, right? There will be little notes of the actions going on around Joey in Italics from now on in order to try and make it make more sense… unlike that sentence. Just read it and hopefully you'll get it! Now… quick, before Joey wakes up, the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: I don't own the strange and random things that show up in this fic… here's a list of this chapters random things that I don't-

Joey: (wakes up) Where am I?

Author: We'll get to that in a second. I'm trying to do the disclaimer here.

Joey: No! I remember what's going on now! NOOOOO!

Author: May I continue?

Joey: NOOOOO!

Author: Okay then.

-own: Easton Relex bats, lembas bread, elfin cloaks, Lord of the Rings, and Godric Gryffindor's sword.

Day Two

**Man, my head feels all swimmy. Uh… dis is NOT my room… dis is a _girl's _room. It's so… filled wit pictures of guys… I _hope _it's a girl's room. Is dat… me? And me? And me? And me? And Seto Kaiba? What da heck? Where am I?**

**Oh no! Dat picture! It's da crazy girl. Hmm… all dose books and movies, DVD player, computer, picture of some red heads… Dis is da author's room! How da heck did I get here?**

**Oh no, here she comes! What do I do? _(cherry pie floats out of nowhere and hits him in the back of the head)_ Ow… why did a cherry pie just float out of nowhere and hit me in da back of da head? Da author's laughing maniacally… and she says she's bored again, and she wants me to go and find dat stupid golden doughnut thingy.**

**Um… dat's difficult right now, since I'm sort of tied to a chair. I think I'll tell her dat. **

…

**She didn't like dat! Um… is that? _(Author pulls out blue Easton Reflex bat)_Yes, book thingy, I'm afraid dat a certain blue, rugged, bat is about to make contact wit my head again if I don' think fast. (AN: In other words, he's doomed)**

**WAIT! Author person… I'll get da doughnut, really… just don't make my head go all hurty again. _(Cowers in chair)_**

**She sure looks satisfied… I wonder if she coulda predicted dat? I really could use a dough- I know, author person, I know… I have ta find da Golden Doughnut first and… what's dat? Rid da world of evil by doing so? Dis is new… oh, you just come up wit dis stuff as ya go? Weird. **

**Oh no… I've just looked down and… no, I'm not naked ya pervs, it's much worse den dat! I'm wearing… Kaiba's trenchcoat! If I was untied I'd… I'd… Oh look, she's untied me! _(runs around in distressed little circles) _**

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ****OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! **

**GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IF OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME GET IT OFF ME!**

**(AN: this is about to continue for a painfully long time, so we'll just skip to the end of it!)**

**MY LIFE IS OVER MY LIFE IS OVER MY LIFE IS- _(Kaiba pops up out of nowhere) _Uh oh… it looks like Kaiba wants his trenchcoat back. Eh… I think dis would be a really good time to take the author on a date! _(Kaiba goes poof) _Yay, it worked, Kaiba went poof! Now, about dat date, I don't think I can- _(Kaiba starts to reappear) _No, no, don't bring Kaiba back! Please don't! And GET DIS STUPID THING OFFA ME BEFORE I FREAK OUT AGAIN! Whew… I thought I would die from being touched by dat thing… it smells like coffee and expensive dry cleaning! **

**_(Author grabs Joey's arm) _Eh… author girl, why are you on my arm? Date? Oh yeah… eh...**

…

**Make it snappy? What's dat supposed to- Oh, I need to find dat doughnut, so we can't make out afterwards? Gee… I'm _so _disappointed. _(Kaiba starts to reappear yet again)_ No, don't bring Kaiba back! I meant it! The italic text was for emphasis, not sarcasm! **

**I hate blackmailing author people who have total control over the lives of innocent yu-gi-oh characters… dey suck. _(A mob of fanfiction writers pop out of nowhere) _OH NO! Dey have pitchforks and torches. Could it be… AN ANGRY MOB OF INSANE FANGIRLS! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! _(looks around and sees no one in the room but him, the chair, and the fangirls) _I'M GONNA DIE… ALONE! **

_**(Author screams: "NEVER INSULT THE WRITER!" and chases Joey for a while with the other fangirls before saving his butt.)**_

**Da author just saved my butt… really, dey were trying to burn it so I'd fall outta dat tree… and I think dey had a doggie costume, too. _(Whimpers) _When does dis horror end? WHEN? **

…

**Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, when I find da golden doughnut… I despise you, author person. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET SO BORED? WHY? **

…

**Because you've never had a boyfriend and therefore have nothin' ta do? Dat's a dumb reason to be bored. **

…

**I DIDN'T MEAN IT! DON'T MAKE THE PURPLE PIGGIES FROM OUTER SPACE COME AND DO EXPEREMENTS ON MY BRAIN! **

…

**I am too smart enough ta be tested on by alien purple piggies.**

…

**Am too.**

…

**AM TOO!**

…

**AM TOO!**

_**(Kaiba pops out of nowhere a third time, looking confused, sees his trenchcoat on the floor and slightly smeared with food, and then makes a move as if to chase Joey)**_

**No, you're right, you're right, I'm a stupid idiot! Make Kaiba go away before he- _(gets pummeled by Kaiba) _does dat… Owie, my head feels all hurty again… **

…

**Okay, I promise ta be obedient and go on a quest for da golden doughnut… just don't make my head go all hurty again! **

…

**I'm goin', I'm goin! _(grabs a package of lembas bread and an elfin cloak) _Aren't deese from dat Lord of Da Rings movie? _(sniffs lembas) _It doesn't smell poisonous, so I guess it's safe. **

…

**I'll need my what? **

**Sword? I don't have a- _(long, bloody sword with the name Godric Gryffindor pops out of nowhere) _Dis isn't mine! It's Godric Gryffindor's! **

…

**Okay, den, he's dead… but why da heck do I need dis?**

…

**Because you feel like it? Dat's a stupid- _(Kaiba starts to appear) _Never mind! Okay, okay! I'm off ta find da golden doughnut! **

End note: Hope that gave you some laughs. Review and tell me what you think of this new format for the story!


	3. Day Three

**Joey Wheeler and the Quest for the Golden Doughnut**

Note: At last, I have updated, oh precious few who actually read this story! This chapter shall bring even more random events than the first two! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Enjoy! _glances at Joey carefully before knocking him out with her bat_ On to the disclaimer!

Disclaimer: Here are the random things besides Yu-gi-oh that I don't own from this chapter: Dunkin' Donuts (which I probably spelled wrong, but ya'll know what I mean) Easton Reflex (except for my own fine one, which my dad bought me when my brother shattered my other bat) Harry Potter's wand, Genovia and all other characters and ideas from The Princess Diaries Books and a laptop... oh, I didn't give a brand name so that wasn't nessasary, but still true, sadly...

Joey: is roused by the annoying sound of my voice What da heck? No! NO! You can't be done wit da disclaimer! I refuse to let dis story go-  
Author:_ punches in the face_ Too bad, I'm the author!

Day Three

**Uh… I'm supposed ta find dis doughnut, but da author isn't bein very helpful as ta the location of it an all… so now I'm goin' ta Dunkin' Donuts ta see if dey got a golden one. Eh, donut guy, ya gots a golden donut 'round here? **

…

**Ya don'?**

…

**Ya aren' even sure why an anime character is talkin' to ya? What's dat supposed ta-**

…

**What? I'm from a TV show dats for little kids an' ya bought ya son an action figure of me?**

…

**I betcha I look good as an action figure?**

…

**Bad hair? Well I neva-**

…

**_donut guy pulls out the action figure_ My hair does not look like dat. donut guy pulls out mirror AH! It does! I have ta run around in circles now, 'kay book?**

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ****OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!**

…

**No… not da Easton Reflex!**

…

**NO! Don't call da author! I'll shut up, really! Man… dat donut guy was no help at all. And I want ta eat a donut now… but I can't… dang it. Hey, author lady… don't heros usually get someone ta help them along… like a sidekick or somethin'. **

…

**What? Who said dat 'I don' deserve a sidekick yet'? Dat's da dumbest thing I ever-_ Kaiba appears from nowhere with the Easton Reflex and a large glazed donut, which he proceeds to eat right in front of Joey. _**

**NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
****OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO- Ok, shuttin' up now- ouch, stop hittin' me Kaiba ya dang rich boy! **

…

**Whaddaya mean dat was lame? It ain't my fault I was written into a kiddie cartoon without any cussin', now is it?**

…

**Hey! You can't say dat stuff! You're a Yu-gi-oh character too, ya know!**

…

**I don' believe it, he's sayin' dat stuff. Where's da author when ya need her? **

**Oh, dere ya are! Tell him he can't say dat stuff!**

…

**You changed the ratin' ta teen, so he _can _say that stuff? Why can't I, den?**

…

**Dat's gotta be da dumbest thing I ever heard! I can't say dat 'cause you'd actually have ta write it down! Hey… none a dose things Kaiba said are actually part a da text… weird. **

**_author disappears and comes back with a 'stick'_**

**What da heck? Dem sticks again? Dats stupid! Why are ya pointin' it at me? Wait… don' say dat… don' wave da- Ah! I'm floating in midair! Dis is like I'm not in a fanfic and back in my TV show.**

…

**Okay, back in Yugi's TV show that hardly mentions me… I get it already, jeez… _Kaiba vanishes and reappears with another donut, this time chocolate_ Stop doin' dat, author person… I'm gonna find da golden donut eventually… I hope… **

…

**Not if ya don' want me to? Where is it, anyhow?**

…

**Genovia? I neva heard a no Genovia. **

…

**It's from a book? Den how da heck am I supposed ta get dere? **

…

**I'm not… I'm supposed ta get Mia ta bring it ta me? Who da heck is-_ princess Mia Thermopolis Renaldo appears_**

**O.O She's prettier den da author. Well, dat's not much of a compliment, so- Ouch! Dat's my delicately arranged hair you're hittin', ya know! **

…

**Dat's the whole point? Man you're an angry woman!**

…

**Man you're an angry girl who doesn't wanna be called a woman! **

…

**Fine, fine… I'll tak her inta given me da donut, den! Hey gorgeous, ya wanna give dat golen donut a yours ta dis fine lookin' guy right here, don't ya! _Mia hits him and then Michael appears_ **

…

**Oh… Hiya Michael Moscavitz, Mia's boyfriend. Whatcha doin' wit dat laptop?_ it starts to rain bolders over Joey_**

**You're hackin' da story! Stop dat, da author won' like it an she'll hit me wit da bat!**

…

**You think it's funny and Michael's hot? Dat's dumb!**

…

**No, no, it's not dumb, please don't- _angry scratching cats start to fall with the bolders_ At least it ain't K- _Kaiba appears and eats a glazed, chocolate filled donut_**

**Aww, come on… dis is just plain evil.**

…

**Dat's da whole point? What da heck? Is dis just the pic on Joey fic or somethin'? O.O You won' believe what just happened! **

End note: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Cliffie! I want lots of reviews or I won't update! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA- cough cough. Anyway, review right now!


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